Trusting our instincts: "when is the right time to share with a friend or partner that you have chronic illness"

The other day Instagram launched "ask me a question" on their stories someone asked me...

"when is the right time to share with a friend or partner that you have chronic illness" 

And this question really got me thinking. My short response was: "I like to be quite upfront now. But I think it all depends on the person - it's really up to you and what feels right! Trust your instincts." But I couldn't get this question off my mind. Yes, I like to be upfront now and get it out of the way but I wasn't always like that. I was self-conscious and highly anxious over it all (and still am at times). So I want to break it down and share what I went through and what I learnt from it all. 

"I like to be upfront now" stemmed from years of feeling uncomfortable and just not confident with myself being "sick". I thought that living with chronic illness made me less of a person. I didn't even fully understand my illnesses so how was I expected to explain it all to someone?!? Naturally, being unable to make sense of my unpredictable illnesses, I thought it must be impossible for them to understand.

I used to think people would have to love me in spite of my illness but THAT IS SO WRONG - being ill doesn't make you less of a person but an even stronger one. My illness has shaped me in so many ways. I have grown so much and I happen to like the person I have become because of it. If I didn't get sick I wouldn't have this account or blog, I wouldn't have met so many lovely people or shared my journey. 


I chose to upload this picture with it because at
the time this photo was taking I was feeling really
unwell so as a classic POTS girl I had to keep my
legs up to make me feel better. 


"But I think it all depends on the person" and "Trust your instincts" go together for me. I think I knew deep down some people in my life just didn't get what I was going through and wouldn't support me in the ways I needed - therefore I would be awake all hours of the night worrying. I think your gut feeling is a more powerful judge than we give it credit for... and we should listen to it more! I pushed on and fought through these feelings only to get hurt and let down. AND when I got let down I felt as if it was all my fault - because I wasn't enough.... Looking back and seeing the way I talked to myself kind of breaks my heart. 

So this leads to "it's really up to you and what feels right" - you don't have to share the intimate details of your life with everyone. You have a choice, so don't feel pressured. I now share this early on because I want to get it out there - I want it off my chest. I want that initial anxiety gone. Because if they can't handle it then they're not worth it, so I'd prefer to know sooner rather than later. 

But these are just my thoughts from my journey. I am in a better place now because I feel more confident with who I am - but I wasn't always (and I still doubt all the time too). Feel free to share your thoughts on this topic below too! 

Lots of love x

CONVERSATION

32 comments:

  1. So many people go through this. It's a life journey in which we come out stronger.
    Lovely blog topic to cover.

    www.fashionradi.com

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    1. Yes! I am so glad you agree - we all come out of it stronger <3 Thank you x

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  2. Initimate stories of your life Its not something you just say like it's nothing. I feel when you gained alittle stability in that relationship, then you can care cause everyone needs a shoulder.

    Glowyshoes's blog

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    1. Yeah it's a very delicate subject and difficult conversation to have <3

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  3. I think people should always think o other people's welfare especially diseases like this.
    Most of the times, we neglect it but it is actually very alarming.

    Much Love,
    Jane | The Bandwagon Chic

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  4. I agree with you about trusting our instincts. My boss told me that our gut feeling tend to be right - we need to trust ourselves a bit more! I mean this happens a lot, especially with quizzes when I was right the second time around XD.

    Nancy ♥ exquisitely.me

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    1. Yes!! I think it usually is right - we should all try listening to it more hey? Yesss I know exactly what you mean with exams too ahah

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  5. I'm back to let you know I just followed your lovely blog. Hope you follow back and let's keep in touch!

    www.fashionradi.com

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    1. Thank you so much, I’ll follow you back :)

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  6. It is an interesting topic, and I think what you said is right, it depends on so many things and is an individual choice at the end of the day :) No one right or wrong way to do it! :)

    Hope you had a wonderful weekend! It was so cold here, winter has really hit!

    Away From The Blue Blog

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    1. Yeah I totally agree, it really is a personal decision - we've just go to listen to our intuition! I hope you had a good weekend too <3

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  7. Thank you so much for sharing this post, it's really brave of you. I totally agree it's your own personal choice and whatever you think is the best way to go xx

    http://www.thatnewdress.com

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    1. Thanks so much for reading! Glad you agree <3

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  8. Yes, it's actually hard to reveal something to somebody for fear how would they accept it. It's nice to know that you're in a better place now. Keep going! Cheers babe!

    www.busyandfab.com

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    1. Yes that is exactly it! Thanks so much love xx

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  9. I think it depends on the individual. When you feel the time is right, then you can talk about it.
    The Glossychic

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    1. Yes so true, you know when it all feel right!

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  10. I sometimes have same feeling, but my meds kinda supress it from time to time. The worst is sleeping - seeing all these plane crushes , war, living a life of another person in my dream and waking up with headache... We are strong, though. We'll get through.

    The Gown 👗 http://www.thegown.cz

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    1. Aw I am sorry it is tough some times. But you are so right, we are strong and we will get through it all!

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  11. A great post - as always - on a really important topic. I take such a long time to trust people and form really strong relationships, so telling them something important like this would usually have already comeout as part of getting to know them. I thin "trust your instincts" is so important, it can be easy to overlook feelings that tell you from an early point that someone just won't understand. I think it's a case of having faith in your feelings and taking the lead in your own life sometimes - even if it might seem scary in the short term, it'll benefit you in the long term.

    //teandtwosugars.blogspot.com xx

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    1. I totally feel you! Trust can be so hard :( but yes I agree trusting our instincts is so important! YES!! Having faith in ourselves and our feelings! I love the way you think too xx

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  12. I really admire how open and strong you are, and I agree that trusting your instincts is the right way to go. People should always do what feels right for them. And Amen to if people can't handle it then they are not worth it! x

    Kara | http://karascloset.net/

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    1. Thank you so much! and I am so glad you agree with me on that last point :P

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  13. It can be difficult to share it with friends as well. They just can't seem to understand why you might feel weak. Or can't attend a function or go out for a few cocktails at a fashion party when you normally are able to. It is rough to not only deal with but discussing something like that when it impacts your entire life. I think this is such a lovely post. I love how personal it is and honest. I hope your having an amazing weekend. http://www.bauchlefashion.com/2018/07/how-to-score-vintage-chanel-like-expert.html

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    1. It really can be so difficult! I totally agree and understand :/ It is really rough and so hard sometimes. Thank you so much for your comment xx

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  14. Nice and Perfect looking outfit..

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  15. Thank you for sharing this, indeed this is not an easy matter. At times I have to think about it a lot

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  16. I agree with you. It all depends on the situation when it needs to be done.
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  17. In our lives a lot of people walk through, there are also many experiences. All these things make us stronger

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  18. I again visited your blog to read your new stories but you have not yet appeared. Hope you come back soon

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  19. Like you I feel the sooner the better because time is precious, so I think you should invest time into people and things that make you feel your best self. Wether it's a person or thing that you want to invest your time in, it really should be something that doesn't cause you anxiety or struggle to have in your life. Also I agree that your gut will let you know. Happy you know that and are trusting it more and more!
    Hope you are feeling good and happy right now.

    Much love,
    Tania
    https://inspiremyfancy.com

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